


Lily Evans' Unhealthy Hunch

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-13
Updated: 2007-05-13
Packaged: 2019-01-19 19:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12416553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: Lily Evans never thought she'd ever be stalking James Potter, Mission Impossible style, after hours, in empty corridors. Yet here she finds herself doing just that... [OneShot]





	Lily Evans' Unhealthy Hunch

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

_Disclaimer: Shucks, I always forget to say that I don’t own Harry Potter! But doesn’t it go without saying? **** woeful sigh **** Well, if you insist. I _ don’t _own Harry Potter,  or any of the characters – though I do like to borrow them sometimes.  
_

****_  
_ ****_  
_ **“Lily Evans’ Unhealthy Hunch”**   
  
  


Lily Evans wasn’t one to believe, let alone act on, hunches. They were too uncertain for her liking, and most of the time they turned out to be wrong. Lily liked proof and reason, and hunches had none.

   
   


So it was rather unusual for lily to be crouched behind a suit of armour, following a hunch.

   
   


Hours earlier she’d left the common room, after a lengthy debate with herself.

   
   


You see, Lily suspected that her boyfriend of three months, James Potter, was cheating on her. This was hard to understand, because he’d spent years chasing after her and declaring his ‘undying love’. 

   
   


Yet this week in particular her suspicions had started to grow, until finally she had completely convinced herself that James had to be cheating. 

   
   


Firstly, whenever Lily made eye contact with James he diverted his eyes with a guilty expression he failed to hide. This was extremely odd, as James was never the first to look away, and often she had to remind him that he was her boyfriend, _not_ her crazy stalker (at which point he would reluctantly remove his eyes from her).

   
   


Secondly, she never seemed to be able to find him. At some times he just disappeared off the face of the planet, and she didn’t like it one bit. 

   
   


Thirdly, he was constantly making up lame excuses to leave her company. Just yesterday, for example, he had run into her – it went something like this:

  
   
 _“Hi James!” Lily greeted cheerfully.  
_ _  
_

__

  
_“H-hi Lily…what are you doing here?” He was unusually flushed red, as though he was embarrassed.  
_

____

  
_  
_ _“It’s a corridor James… I’m just on my way to the Library.”_

________

  
  
_“Oh – er – right. Corridor. Mmhmm,”James loosened his tie which had suddenly become too tight._  
_  
_

____

  
_“What are you doing today?” Lily asked conversationally._  
_  
_

____

  
_“M-me,” James glanced around nervously, “I’m just…going – pottery class. I’m going to pottery class, you know. Where you…pot things. Got to live up to my last name!”_  
_  
_

____

  
_He laughed unconvincingly._  
_  
_

____

  
_Lily raised an eyebrow._  
_  
_

____

  
_“Uh huh. James, does Hogwarts even_ have _a pottery class?” She asked sceptically.  
_ _  
_

__

__  
_“YES. Yes, it does,” James said a little to quickly._  
  


  

_“Okay, well do you want to hang out a while before it starts?” Lily questioned, deciding there was no point pointing out that she knew very well there was no pottery class._  
_  
_

__

  
_“Um, you know I’d love to but I’ve really got to go. Okaybyeseeyou!” James shouted the last few words whilst sprinting down the corridor and out of sight, leaving Lily to ponder the absurdity of what had just occurred._  
_  
_

____

  
_*end of conversation*_  
_  
_

__

__  


Many of these … strange conversations had been happening lately.

   
   


All these struck her as obvious signs of cheating.

   
   


So today, she was on a mission to catch him in the act. And when she did, Merlin help him! Lily was angry, and when Lily was angry, Lily was violent.

   
   


Lily had vaguely wondered who, exactly, James would prefer over Lily. The thought of someone else kissing him made her very on edge and snappy.

   
   


She wanted to believe more than anything that he wasn’t cheating on her, but her hunch told her not to have false hope.

   
   


After one hour and twenty minutes of waiting, she was almost relieved to see her boyfriend walking down the corridor cautiously.

   
   


Lily almost rolled her eyes at how conspicuous he looked, tip-toeing and looking around to check no one was there.

   
   


Slowly and carefully she followed him down the hallway, keeping a few good metres behind him. She had to stifle a giggle when she realised she was spying on her boyfriend.

   
   


They crept along for what seemed like forever, and after a while Lily began to grow bored. Giving into her temptation, she pulled out her ‘gun’ (consisting of her thumb and index finger) and began stalking James dramatically, imagining the ‘Mission Impossible’ in her head.

   
   


Just as Lily was really getting into it (she was crouched very low and had just swung around quickly, ‘gun’ poised), James suddenly stopped, and Lily almost ran into him. She hastily put her ‘gun’ away, feeling extremely immature and thankful that no one was around. 

   
   


James turned to his left, and opened the broom cupboard Lily hadn’t noticed until now. He crept in and closed the door, locking it behind him with a careless charm Lily could easily break.

   
   


Lily pulled out her wand, so she had it ready, and pressed her ear up to the broom closet.

   
   


“Sorry I’m late, I stopped by at the kitchens first…” So that’s why she’d spent so long waiting for him. 

   
   


“… I brought you something -” His voice paused, and Lily presumed he was searching for whatever he had gotten from the kitchens. Lily’s temper began to rise again – he never brought _her_ stuff.

   


“- yes! Carrots! Your favourite.” Lily pulled an incredulous look, for her own sake. _Carrots?!_ She’d been expecting something like chocolate-dipped strawberries, not CARROTS. Maybe it was a good thing he didn’t bring her food after all.

   
   


Lily heard a soft, high pitched sound she couldn’t quite determine – it was halfway between a laugh and a sob. How absurd… James picked a weirdo to cheat on her with.

   
   


“Yes, tastes good, doesn’t it, Harry?”

   
   


Lily’s jaw dropped. Had she heard correctly? Harry. _Harry._

   
   


Not only was James cheating on her, but it was with a _guy_. Her boyfriend was having a secret, GAY relationship!

   
   


There was a shuffle inside the broom cupboard, and Lily was beginning to feel rather queasy.

   
   


“What’s the matter, Hazza-wazza? Don’t you worry, I’ll take care of you. And don’t you worry about Lily, she won’t find out about you…”

   
   


Lily’s frustration returned in a heartbeat. Won’t find out about ‘Hazza wazza’, her ass.

   
   


“…maybe I’ll even introduce her to you soon, then we can all be together!”

   
   


Lily scowled. She was going to castrate her soon to be ex-boyfriend – how _dare_ he even consider having  a three-way relationship? Did anyone normal even do that anyway?

   
   


There was another shuffle in the cupboard, and Lily tried very hard not to imagine what was going on inside.

   
   


“Yes, you love it when I pat you there, don’t you,” James chuckled. Lily’s blood boiled. 

   
   


She heard James sigh. “I love you, Harry.”

   
   


That. Was. It. Lily had had enough. James hadn’t even said that he loved her yet! This relationship was so over.

   
   


She had enough evidence to completely prove her hunch to be correct, so with confidence and extreme force, she opened the broom cupboard door shouting ‘lumos’.

   
   


Her wand lit the broom closet to reveal a very startled James, who had his arms around the neck of a … pony?

   
   


Lily gaped. Her boyfriend was having a secret gay relationship with an ANIMAL.

   
   


“Uh, hi Lily…” James said tentatively.

   
   


“What the hell is going on here?” Lily said in a dangerously cool tone.

   
   


“I – um… this is Harry!” he gestured to the small Shetland pony beside him, who whinnied right on cue.

   
   


Lily roughly grabbed James by his collar and yanked him out of the cupboard.

   
   


“I WANT AN EXPLANATION RIGHT THIS SECOND, JAMES POTTER!”

   
   


He gulped.

   
   


“I found him in the forest! He was so cute and small and vulnerable – I had to bring him back and I’m really sorry I was going to tell you about him, but I thought you’d react like this and I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry – please forgive me, I just want to keep him, he’d make the best pet and I’m really sorry,” James explained at a hundred miles per hour.

   
   


Lily blinked. 

   
   


So he _wasn’t_ having a secret gay relationship with an animal…

   
   


“Lily?” James asked tentatively.

   
   


Lily was gazing into space, feeling rather stupid.

   
   


“Lily? Could you let go of me, I’m starting to choke,” James said, gasping slightly.

   
   


“Oh. Right, sorry,” Lily released him.

   
   


James waved his hands in front of her face.

   
   


“James to Lily, James to Lily come in!”

   
   


“I thought you were cheating on me,” Lily said in monotone.

   
   


James looked shocked.

   
   


“Lily I’d _never_ cheat on you!” He said, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking at her right in the eye.

   
   


“I know that… but I don’t know why I thought otherwise…darned hunches!”

   
   


James hugged her, squeezing her shoulders. At that moment Lily made a promise to herself to never to act on hunches ever again. It was just far too disturbing.

   
   


“So… can we keep Harry?” he said into her back, still holding onto her.

   
   


“Who’s Harr – Oh. Um… I don’t know. If you can keep it from McGonagall, go for your life.”

   
   


James pulled away and punched the air.

   
   


“YES! Did you hear that Hazza-Wazza! I can KEEP you!” He petted Harry-the-pony on the nose. Harry-the-Pony whinnied again. 

   
   


“Can I ask one question though?”

   
   


James froze, unsure if he wanted her to ask him a question.

   
   


“…yeeeesss…”

   
   


“Why’d you call him Harry?”

   
   


“I donno, I’ve always liked the name.”

   
   


“Oh okay. Wanna go back the common room? I don’t want to explain what we’re doing with a Shetland pony in the middle of a corridor after curfew.”

   
   


“I’d love to. Come on Harry!”

   
   


James put his arm around Lily, and together they strolled back to the common room. 

  
   
   
 _A/N: I hope you like it. There wasn't much thought involved (you might be able to tell) : The idea popped into my head so I wrote it down and this is what I ended up with. Reviews are appreciated greatly!_

__

_-Michelle_  
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   


 


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